God = Truth = God = Simple

Along the lines of my last post is this thought:

For something to be “true” it must be unchanging. Truth must be permanent and unchanging because God is the embodyment of what is true, real, permanent and unchanging.

If you say a thing is true, then you are saying that it reflects the nature of God.

Belief should reflect truth.

I know this is may not seem so deep right now. But it was a pretty salient thought to me at the time.

The only reason to believe anything is because its true. That extends to the Bible as well. The only reason to read it and follow its teachings is because it is true.

If its not true and not meant to be fiction, then throw it on the trash pile.

Life just got unsimple

This journey towards simplicity, at least for the moment, took a turn towards the complicated.
There is something that I have been dealing with in my head and heart for a long time and it has finally come around and is now demanding a response. In short, I believe God is asking me to serve him in a way that not all are called to and I am not sure I will ever be satisfied with life until I accept. Bare honesty here… I feel the very strong desire to teach as a pastor. A pushing, if you will. A wrestling with the heart and the head not unlike the process I went though before I proposed to my wife. The romance and the rational are conflicting and crashing against one another trying to coalesce into a harmony of desires.

If I look back on my life and where I am now, the last ten years or so have revealed bits and pieces of this potential direction. Small puzzle parts that I have collected and wondered about… even pursued in some form or another, these desires. For the past few years a great sense of dissatisfaction has come into my life surrounding my job and it has left me with a feeling of longing. Longing to find more fulfillment in life. Longing to spend the eight plus hours a day that I am at work, doing something more satisfying and ultimately more meaningful than fixing PC’s. Saint Augustine said: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” My heart is restless.

A forced march

I told myself I would keep up with this… so here I am. Discipline… especially self discipline is not easy.  Ahh the complexity of simple discipline.

Here is what I am thinking on today. It is from a book I am reading called: Freedom of Simplicity.

“My children love pancakes, so once in a while I get up early to fix them a batch. It is interesting to watch these boys. They wolf down pancakes as if there were an endless supply. They are not worried one whit about the price of eggs or my ability to provide them with pancakes. Not one once have I seen them slipping some into their pocket thinking, “I don’t know about Dad; I had better put away a little stash so that I can be sure of pancakes tomorrow.” As far as they are concerned the reservoir of pancakes is infinite. All they need to do is ask and, if it is in their best interest, they know they will receive.”

I dont think I really trust God like this. But I want to. I can think back to when I was a kid and nothing like this ever worried me. I never knew when times were hard. There was always food in the refrigerator and a seemingly endless supply of Fruity Pebbles for Saturday mornings
Matthew 6:25-34 is the whole section on anxiety. Do not be anxious…. about food, clothing, trouble, whereyou sleep. I have read these…. even read them as commandments. But another verse caught my attention today. The story of Mary and Martha found in Luke. Jesus says this to Martha

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.”

I read that and I could have easily put my own name in there. Jesus goes on to tell her that her sister Mary chose the ‘one thing’ and that it would not be taken from her. He called it the ‘good portion’. Mary was sitting at his feet listening to his teaching. She was listening to truth and spending time with Him.

Andy, Andy, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but …one thing is necessary.

Anxious

I am anxious…. horribly anxious. Specifically about my health. Have been now for several months and I hate it.

I saw a head doctor a few times. He was nice, little weird, but nice. He was a Christian so I trusted him to be concerned about my spiritual health as well as my mental. Not sure that he really could be because I am not sure he had not in-jested to much of the mental health ‘cool-aid’ that has permeated may Christian counselors.

So I am wondering… if I can develop, find, manifest (however it happens) contentment if the anxiety will go. I hope so because I don’t sleep worth a darn anymore and at times I hate being alone.

I am also a bit… well, a lot, obsessive. So I can and at times do, obsess about my health and differnt aches and pains I feel. Which all leads back to anxiety.

Do I long for heaven, yeah… a lot at times… but I have more (I hope) that God wants to do with me here. I want to be used by Him and I want to know Him so deep. Were it not for my faith in God I would be on some serious drugs for this anxiety. I would have no hope at all outside of pharmaceutical help.

Its 1am and I need to sleep… or try. I hope that one day I can read this, look back, and praise God for how he delivered me from this. If not, then I pray that he can use it for His Glory. I dont want to lose perspective in my fear and distress. God used Paul and despite having an issue that he begged God to take from him three times, he found contentment.

I can have hope.

Truth = Simple = Content?

I am thinking a lot on what it means to be content and how very much I desire this for my self and my family. I have been working backwards in my mind searching for what contentment sprouts from. Like tracing a tree from leaves to branches to roots.

The seed that grows the tree of contentment may be truth.

Truth is simple in its nature. Its black and white. It stands firm and fixed. Truth is what reality confirms and conforms to. Maybe the reason for my lack of being content is that my mind struggles to see and believe what is really real. If my mind, soul and spirit conform to what is really real, wouldn’t that make things simple?

Proverbs 19:23
The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.

The ESV Translates it like this:

Proverbs 19:23 
The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.

Other verses in Hebrews, Timothy and Phillipians talk about contentment or satisfaction being the results of a choice. Maybe its a choice based on the reality of who God really is. A choice based on truth. 

Does my lack of contentment betray a greater reality in my life? That I don’t fear God or understand what that really means?

I think I have to admit; yes.